Sunday, July 13, 2008

Michael' s Memorial Celebration - Saturday June 28, 2008









Michael Douglas Meeking was born on June 16th, 1961 in Toronto Ontario to Robert and Barbara Meeking. He was the youngest of 6 children, having 4 sisters: Penny, Robin, Karen and Sandy, and 1 brother: Ron. They found their home in Markham Ontario.  When Mike was barely 18 months old his father passed away at the young age of 39, leaving him to be raised by his older sisters while his mom worked as a nurse to provide for the family. At age 4 his family moved away from Markham and settled just outside Toronto in Scarborough Ontario. Mike was always a strong willed and independent individual. When he was 5 years old, having had enough of the whole formal education thing, he left his kindergarten class, unbeknownst to his teacher, walked a few blocks away, and then hitched a ride back to his house. This did not end in so much trouble for himself but instead for his sisters who were by now hitch-hiking across the country and realized that he had already begun to follow in their footsteps. His elementary school years saw him playing lots of hockey and creating a passion for drama. In grade 8 he qualified for the Ontario provincials in standing broad jump. He never competed however, as he went for a hotdog and missed his event, only to find out later that his average jump was almost a foot longer than that day’s winning jump, and that year’s national championship jump. During his high school years Mike was very social and had a large group of friends. One of those friends was a young lady by the name of Jody Rutz. He never talked with her however, because, as he said, every time he would open his mouth to do so, he would “always see the floor approaching rather fast”. He spent much of his time playing guitar and harmonica and continued to follow his passion for drama. During the summer between grade 11 and 12 he hitch-hiked his way out to Banff Alberta to visit his sister. As September came closer and closer he began to think he may just not go back to finish school. His sister got wise however and, 3 days before school was scheduled to start, she dropped him off just outside of town so he could hitch a ride back. All hope was not lost for him though, as it was near impossible for him to make it back in just 3 days. Once again his plan was foiled however, as he caught one ride right to his front door, getting him back in town, as he would always say “with enough time to buy school supplies”. Despite making it back for grade 12 Mike remains, to this day, ½ a credit short of his high school diploma. A feat he credits to his grade 9 music class where, due to a strike, the teacher said he would pass everyone if they blew 1 note on the saxophone. But, determined to fail at least one class that year, Mike refused to blow the note, failing himself and losing him 3 credits which would have surely made him eligible for his diploma. After high school he set off with $400 to his name and aspirations of spending some time in Brazil. $400 did not last long however and he was broke by the time he got to Guatemala. He spent the next few months living and working in Guatemala and Belize until he got quite sick. He made his way back home by hitching rides, living off of peoples good graces and occasionally getting a hot meal and a bed for a few nights by being arrested for “occupying space”.  Once home, Mike again ventured across Canada to Alberta where he spent time working construction in Banff and as a surveyor in Canmore. After returning to Ontario yet again, Michael joined a Toronto based drama troupe called Dr. Bandoli’s Goodtime Show which would go into schools putting on variety shows for the children. Mike continued with this troupe from 1980-1984. Throughout this period, when the drama troupe was slow he would make extra cash by playing flute on the streets of down town Toronto. It was early on during these times that he would run into Jody on the streets and subways randomly and it was only then that he began to talk with her. Later on Mike landed a weekend job, clowning at the ‘Organ Grinder’ Restaurant. In July of 1983 while calling on a friend at his back door he saw through the window Jody at the front door who was also calling on that house after recently having returned from 2 years of travelling on and off. Finding their friend not at home, Mike let himself in and made some tea for the both of them, thus began their dating. Jody ended up joining Mike in the Dr. Bandoli troupe and together they bought an old postal van which they named “Supertruck”. In spring of 1984 they both landed jobs at Sir Sam’s Inn on Eagle Lake in Haliburton Ontario, Mike as a bartender and Jody as a waitress. It was here on July 1st 1984 that Mike performed his first solo show as Meeks The Clown. In September of 1984 Mike and Jody travelled in Supertruck to Blue Lake California where Mike was enrolled in clown school. Being madly in love, and having such great optimism, neither of them realized just how difficult it would be for Jody to find work in Blue Lake. So they agreed that Jody would head back to Ontario and get a Job while she waited for Mike to finish his 8 month course. On her way back she stopped over in Vancouver at Michael’s sister, Robin’s house. It was here that she got a phone call from Mike saying that the money he had in the bank to pay for the course had been frozen due to a transaction he had made through a teller back in Ontario who was now being convicted of fraud. He considered that as a sign that he should not attend the school and he asked Jody if she would wait for him in Vancouver. She agreed, and in a matter of days they were together in Vancouver, and since then they have never looked back. In the fall of 1984 both Mike and Jody attended a Billy Graham Crusade where they both gave their lives’ to the Lord. They began attending Fraserview Assembly. Mike lived in Vancouver and continued to date Jody while working odd jobs and helping lead the church youth group. He spent the summer of 1985 working for the Vancouver Parks Board, putting on shows at all the parks and community centers with a bicycle as his only form of transportation. In December 1986 Mike met his long time friend, Bill Hoover, later to be called “Uncle Bill” by Mike’s children. On January 17th 1987 Mike and Jody were married in Vancouver. Together they ran a courier route with Supertruck and worked part time at a juvenile halfway house. Mike continued to do solo shows as well as running after school juggling workshops at rec. centers. On April 27th 1988 Mike became a proud new father when Jody gave birth to their first child Kyle Douglas. In March 1989 he moved his family to the home in Kits which they still inhabit 19 years later. He began attending Point Grey Community Church where he became the leader of their kids club. He worked as a school bus driver for Lynch Bus Lines driving their handicapped bus and continued pursuing the clown business part time. On April 3rd 1990 he increased his family with the birth of his second son Alexander James. In 1991 he joined forces with CAPPS Bicycles doing a series of bicycle safety TV commercials, and began to do Meeks shows along the BC festival circuit. March 19th 1992 saw Mike add to his family once more with the birth of his 3rd son Brady Norman. During the years 1992-1994 Mike found work as the BC Lions mascot ‘Roary the Lion’. It was during this time also that he took up landscaping, something he truly enjoyed. On June 26th 1995 he completed his family with the birth of his 4th child and 1st daughter Kayla May.  At this time Michael and his family had just begun attending All Nations Christian Fellowship where he would soon work part time as the Kid’s Town director. In 1997 Mike left landscaping for a position as the part time Drama teacher at West Coast Christian School where his children attended. By 2007 he had both written and directed upwards of 20 original plays performed by his students. Michael had two dreams as a adult, the first being to have his children involved in his clown business. By 1997 the Meeks Family Circus was in full swing, entertaining in public and private events across BC. In 2001 on his 40th birthday his second adulthood dream became a reality, Mike bought himself a camperized school bus enabling the family circus to expand its tour to include stops in BC, Alberta and Ontario through 2006. In February of 2007 Mike was diagnosed with stage 4, metastic lung cancer. Over the following 16 months, Michael underwent 4 different types of chemotherapy treatments and 2 rounds of radiation to his lung and brain. He remained strong spirited and strong bodied throughout his battle as displayed by his determination to walk to and from the cancer clinic for each appointment. He was accompanied and supported every step of the way by his best friend of 25 years, wife of 21. He never gave up hope or belief that the Lord Jesus could heal him at any moment but also accepted the fact that his life was not his own but in the Lords hands. On June 11th 2008, soon after Mike had learned that the cancer had spread to multiple areas of his body including his bones, he was admitted to a Penthouse Suite at Vancouver General Hospital. During his 6 days there his kidney and liver function decreased rapidly. On June 16th 2008 celebrating his 47th birthday with his family, his future daughter-in-law, and his good friend Pastor Bob by his side, Michael went peacefully to be with his Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

What a wonderful life! 

Thank you all for sharing in this life.................

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A Celebration of Michael's Life

Meeking, Michael Douglas

June 16, 1961 - June 16, 2008

On his 47th birthday, Michael "Meeks the Clown" went to be with our Lord Jesus.
He passed peacefully with his wife, Jody, and children Kyle, Alex, Brady and Kayla at his side.

We will always remember Mike's fun-loving smile and huge heart towards everyone he knew. We appreciate his courage and strength, which has given us the ability to continue to smile and laugh as we carry on.

A celebration in Michael's honour will be held on June 28th at Jericho Hill Centre Gymnasium (4196 W. 4th Ave.) Service will begin at 1:00pm with a casual family picnic to follow. Bring your lawn chairs, blankets and lunches!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Penthouse Suite



On Wednesday June 11 Michael was admitted to the Palliative Care Unit at Vancouver General Hospital. After almost one full week of trying to manage his new pain medication it was suggested by his oncologist that we "book" in for a couple of days to get things sorted out.
We were blessed with a large double room on the 16th floor with an amazing view and a rooftop garden patio. There was lots of room for our entire family, his four sisters and closest friends for the next six days.
These six days were full of laughter, tears, memories and reminiscing.
After a few days of changing Michael's medication it became evident that the symptoms he was experiencing were due to his rapidly progressing disease. By Saturday we could see the obvious decline in Mike's kidneys and liver.
On Sunday June 16 his 47th birthday Michael went to be with our Lord. We spent the morning celebrating with him. We teased him that he wanted a party with us on earth and again in heaven!
He passed on very peacefully with his family and his dear friend "Pastor Bob" at his side.
To say that we will miss him would never be enough. He has created a legacy. He has blessed many. He was a strong and courageous man in every way. We will carry on with smiles because he has given us the strength to do so. It has been an honour to be his wife.

There will be a Celebration Service within the next few weeks. We will publish the info on the blog. Look forward to seeing you there!



Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Pumps and Purses






First I must say it's a little intimidating to say the least writing an entry on Michael's creative masterpiece. However, it's been a few weeks now and those creative juices have not been flowing so you'll all have to accept my humble attempt to share the nitty gritty!
It's been a difficult few weeks for us all but we continue to laugh together and find joy each day.
Firstly, I want to thank all of you that have loved us through prayer, gifts, food and driving our kids to and from school!! It would not be possible for me to be at Mike's side through all this if it wasn't for all your practical support.
April 22 marked the beginning of this new chemo adventure for us. That was the day Mike had day surgery to have his porta-catheter "installed" in his chest. With most other procedures I have been able to be with him till right before and again right after. This time was different. I had to say good-bye on the other side of the curtain! When I returned to pick Mike up the nurse came to get me and said "Are you really walking home?" So far we have been able to walk to and from the cancer clinic and VGH for most appointments and chemotherapy. It has been "our" time before and after. It's been a challenge sometimes (3K each way) but so far we've accomplished this. So, I responded "yes" and she looked concerned. She assured me he was fine but she thought it was too far to walk. I asked if I could talk with Mike and assess his ability. As I entered behind the "curtain" there he was standing in his hospital gown, IV intact and wanting food! The 3 other patients there, two doctors and a nurse all turned to look at me..........who could this person be with this guy?!!!!!!!! I smiled and quietly asked "What did you do?!" After some time we convinced them he was okay and they agreed to release him. And yes, we did walk home.
Chemotherapy began on April 30. It is a 24 hour infusion which involves a "hook-up" at the cancer clinic and then wearing the pump home in a purse overnight. I teased him relentlessly that week......first it was make-up and tights and NOW it's pumps, purses and hair stubble on your legs (his hair is returning after last chemo!) The medicine is light sensitive and the iv bag and tubing is covered in a dark plastic sheathing which took some getting used to while trying to sleep. The pump itself sounds like it is taking a photo every 10 seconds. This also took some getting used to. The following day we return to the clinic to get "un-hooked". There are blood tests that need to be done every 3 days as well. All of this is very time consuming.
May 28 marked the end of two cycles of chemo. A CT Scan is set for June 5. We will find out the results of the scan on June 10. If there has been less than 20% growth of the tumours then Mike will have the option of remaining on the chemotherapy. If there is any growth beyond 20% they will take him off.
At the moment his biggest struggle is pain. His liver is sore because of the stretching (the tumour was measuring 15cm) and his joints, muscles and hips cause him grief. He coughs readily. This month he has received 2 blood transfusions as his hemoglobin dipped quite low. This is very common for those on chemo. The symptoms are low energy, tiredness and shortness of breath. He experiences all of these. However, he hasn't noticed any change since the transfusions.
In our 25 years together I have never seen Michael slow. I have cried from morning till night many days feeling helpless and dealing with the fact that I can't change anything for him. Then there are the few days where he power washes our bus, does a clown show, we go to the beach, watch Kyle & Alex's hockey games,  cheer Kayla on at soccer, teach Brady to drive or visit with friends. He may be slow but he's a STRONG man.
We are meeting with a pain management team soon. They will look at Mike's situation and set up a more manageable medicine regime for him.
This has been such a painful yet rich experience. We have met so many wonderful people. Heard so many stories. Touched and been touched by many. We've examined ourselves. Our beliefs. Our God.
We all know we will never be the same. We continue to hope for the best, wait for the miracle and yet prepare for the possible. We've likened it to having one foot on each side of the tracks.
We could never do it alone. And we are not.

Love you all,

Jody (for Mike & all)
  

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

God the Healer

First of all, I deeply appreciate all of you who are praying for me. Please continue to seek Him. I know these prayers, meditations and requests to God are what is keeping me alive day to day. 
My friend tells me that his 7 year old daughter prays and weeps for me daily. After 16 months of chemo therapy and prayer therapy, it begs the question - If God is the healer, why am I still sick ?
Possible answers -
1. God is not real, Jesus isn't who He said He is and miracles don't happen. There is no hope because the human race has been fooling themselves for all of time.
2. God is real but He doesn't like me because I was a bully in elementary school, a pot head in high school, I really haven't loved all my neighbours all the time, I pollute ... (I could go on)
3. He is on a business trip in the Middle East and will get to our prayers when things cool down there. 
Why am I still sick? Is a good question, along with - Why is there suffering in the world? Why do we allow people to hurt each other? Why do we argue over who God is and how to worship Him?  There are many more deep and meaningful questions. The answers are there, near Him in the garden of wisdom, waiting to be discovered by each of us. 
What would you say? Why am I still sick? Why should I suffer? The bible is filled with suffering. There are many stories of how one was called to serve but before they began being a prophet, king or leader of some kind they had a time of running from an army or living in the wilderness or surviving a famine. Read it, it is inspiring to see the human side of the God Book.
God is the healer, the source of life. Suffering has made me dependent on Him knowing this is my only hope. This is not a formula to memorize or a process to follow but the love between a father and his child. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

1932 Desoto


The future. We all want to know what's up before it happens. Nothing is ever for sure until it happens. My Uncle Don once said, "The only things you can count on actually happening in your lifetime are death and taxes." The other thing I learned from Uncle Don was how to start a 1932 Desoto. It is not always useful information that we glean from life's experiences. But without logical explanation certain things just stick to us through time. It stuck to me what my uncle had to say about death and taxes. It rings true doesn't it. It is not the type of truth that sets you free. But it is the truth. I heard from one of my cousins that Uncle Don died grumpy. Who can say where he was at the moment he stepped off the running board of time and space and into the great eternal drive through the country at a break neck 45 miles per hour. He loved his cars. I loved my Uncle Don. 
 I have some news from the recent past that rocks my present world and will effect the future when it comes.
Presently, there is cancer growing rapidly in my liver. Doubled in size over 6 weeks. Yikes. It's like I have been sitting on the porch of death's door for the past year talking through the door to our Lord. Now I'm thinking the door will open any minute and I'm going to meet Him! What would you do ? Take stock to see that you are still occupying space on the planet and carry on.
 What we are going to do is switch drug treatments. I will stop Tarceva, take a month break to let the chemicals flush out of my body. De-rashify. Then at the end of April if all things are equal (liver function & general health) I will begin another trial. This new trial protocol is different from anything so far because they will be installing a port so I can receive a 24 hour infusion of the AT9283(name of drug) once a week for 2 weeks then take a week off. A port installation is a quick surgical procedure where they tap into a major vein near my heart and leave a dock just under my skin to take the 24 hour infusion. Having a port restricts my activity because it is there 24/7. This was a major stumbling block for me to accept this trial. But something my uncle taught me is sometimes after market parts are needed to keep engines running smoothly.  I wasn't given much optimism about this trial drug as being a magic pill that will cure me. But it is my only option in actively treating my condition. Please pray for my healing.  So here we go riding into the future. I'll see you there.



Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Future Ain't What It Used To Be

When our kids were little, the future seemed to take care of it's self. Now it seems to be much to contend with. Back then, what was important was today, the tasks we were attending to during that moment. Diapers and other small emergencies. You can imagine, if you haven't already been there. Then the next day just seemed to show up. Much like the next week and the next year and then the next decade. What?! Try 2 decades. 
This photo of us and our long time neighbours of 19 years. These 2 families that have navigated their way to the future. Which is now. We parents have arrived at the future with our heads spinning us into mid life. The "kids" look hungrily to what lies ahead barely considering how they got to that place in the future. Same room, same time, same families, different perspective. My perspective of the future certainly has changed. It is no longer mine to own. Not that it ever was, but I did believe that I had a place in the future - don't you? Isn't it part of the package? I think not. It is not in our control. However, some things are - like if you don't want to get hit by a bus, stay on the bus. Walk by faith - except at the cross walk.  Avoid getting cancer - don't smoke, eat well and get regular exercise.  Huh ? That's what I did and I got cancer. It is still good advice but it can't deliver you into the future. What can deliver us into the future ? Each moment, however boring and destructive or exciting and productive, the moment will carry you to the next. Then to the end of the day, eventually (maybe) the next season. 
Good luck.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Pressure to be positive

February 26 came and went without much fan fare. We did spent the day at the clinic but not for the expected CT scan. It was a scheduled chest xray. Initially I was disappointed because the CT produces a much more detailed set of images which offers reasonably concise information about what is going on inside my body. Apparently, it is not good for the body to have CT's too close together. My next one will be in April. The oncologist was concerned with how I was doing.
 "You look great." she said. That was even after I dropped my drawers to show off my rash. I was wearing biking shorts because I knew it would be a pants off day. My skin rash is the worst that anyone at the clinic has seen. This makes me "special" is what I'm thinking as I'm standing without pants on as comments fly like, "Oh, that must be so uncomfortable." and, "Does it sting?"
No change in the chest xray since the previous one, looking healthy and being positive are sure signs to the oncologist that the present treatment is working. So it is, I'm positive, I'm doing well. 
      
I was out to visit a friend in Burnaby last week. While I was there I brought him up to speed on my health situation. It turns out that he has had more than one family member succumb to cancer. My friend tells me there is a syndrome named after his family because of a certain kind of disease that is unique to his relatives. He has been tested. He and his kids aren't at risk. He has seen uncles, aunts, grandparents, parents and siblings battle successfully and not, with this disease. He said to me, "It's all up here." as he pokes the side of his head with a strong index finger.
I got it. Mental sharpness. Positive thinking. Stay above the negative stuff. Visualize wellness.  I used to think that positive thinking would help my truck start in the morning but the jumper cables made my ears bleed.
Is the glass half full or half empty? Attitude is important. I couldn't agree more with my friend in Burnaby.  
The reality that there is pressure to always be positive came up in our lung cancer support group.  It's all up to us and our attitudes. It's a heavy burden to carry. We see it on many.
Jody & I agree that we are so thankful that we have a strong and gracious God that carries our burdens. The plan for our lives isn't all up to us. We can be ourselves, positive or otherwise and seek to serve & trust Him better. 

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Blessed so we can be a blessing


These photos are me at work at West Coast Christian School when the school was at the church. During recess the last of 3 balls was stuck on the roof. So I climbed up to get them. Word got out in a matter of seconds and Mr. Halls the principal showed up with his camera.

Before cancer brought my life into a sharper and simpler focus, my time was spent dividing my attention into a few overlapping areas. Family man and all the responsibilities of being husband and dad. Meeks the Clown - no funny, no money. Children's minister at All Nations Christian Fellowship and some of you know me as the drama teacher from West Coast Christian School. 
 I have a story that has come out of being a school teacher. I am not a regular school teacher. I haven't been trained by a college but I am certified by the ACSI to teach drama. I am effective as a children's facilitator to learning. Kids loved my class, no desks, no books and just enough rules to keep anarchy at bay. Games and activities to bring the actor out of everyone.  It was a much needed break for some children who were struggling to wrap themselves around the lesson schedule for that day. I know because I've been there. I did 12 years of school and rarely was I totally present at school - there was always something more interesting to take care of or just think about rather than the lessons the teachers were handing out. I think still having a similar out look on life contributed to my success as a school teacher.
 It has been one year since I left the drama classes because I was sick. The kids were quiet as I tried to explain what was going on and that I won't be coming in to be their drama teacher. They all prayed for me that day and some continue to pray for me one year later. On their own their parents tell me. That alone humbles me but this story is about one young fellow who has really figured things out about love and generosity. He had a birthday party last month and invited all his friends. He asked them not to bring gifts but bring money for Mr.Meeking. They all did. Even some kids who didn't know me. I got envelopes that had names on them and some with explanations like "friend from karate class" or "new student at school". How does one deal with this ? Humbly, proudly and philosophically. Humbly, I accepted this package of gifts from these giants of character. Proudly, I am the memory of Mr. Meeking the drama teacher. Philosophically, I see we are blessed so we can be a blessing. 

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Balance

Why is it not yet February 26 ? I am in a juxtaposition of therapies and side effects until then. Recently I have enjoyed the strength and energy to ride my bike around the city. What fun I have taking this therapy, even as I approach the top of head spin hill and doubt my motivation, it's enjoyable. The fun is what comes after having done it. The sense of well being after having had some exercise. I also get great benefit from the challenge that cycling puts on my heart and lungs. Exercise intensifies the process of healing by heating up the pot without blowing up the stove. It is the exercise colliding with side effects which is the juxtaposition. This brings the reminder to carefully encourage my healing with good balance rather than kick at it with wild spirited ambition. What happens is, when I ride my bike or take a good walk for 3 days in a row the skin rash acts up and my legs become more swollen and painful. Fun and well being meet painful skin rash. This is an experience that has become a frustrating process to wade through as I make my way to February 26. Balance is the key. How much and how far and when to quit exercise therapy.


Balance is the key to healing. The key to balance is to try to keep the bottom under the top. Unless of course you are upside down. Here is a photo of Meeks at the Filberg Festival, Vancouver Island 2005.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

It's Tarceva until February 28

The CT from last week showed negative growth on the liver tumours. Negative growth is a term I just made up. But it sounds medical, something like a professional would say like non-small meaning big. Negative growth meaning shrinkage. This is good news meaning it is information that causes non-discouragement. I will continue for another month on the Tarceva. Next CT Scan will be Feb 26. We will continue to pray. Tuesday of that week Jody and I were at the clinic to get the results from Dr. Laskin. Before that, we had an earlier meeting with another Oncologist to consider what our options were to be if Tarceva wasn't working. Dr.Chi is the other oncologist who is running a stage 2 trial. He was interested in having me as a participant. A stage 2 trial is to establish a safe effective dosage of a certain cancer drug on humans not rats. I wanted to meet Sniffy the lab rat to assure him the trial was in good hands because I was going to take over from here. I'm sure he cared deeply. All kidding aside, after the meeting Jody and I were talking through the information about the new trial regime and the possible side effects of the new drug (which is referred to as a line of numbers- it doesn't have a name yet). I was scared but stoic. Jody looked worried but stayed positive. It was just 3 hours before we learned of the CT results but what a charged span of time. We were at a crossroad during that time. Possibly two routes laid out before us to choose from. Outwardly we smiled and were pleasant as we went shopping and had lunch. Inwardly was the rough bouncing ride of emotional reactions. Then a sense of wisdom, what's the big picture here? What can we draw from this? The lessons I'm learning in this health crisis are deepened by the severity of the experience that the ordeal brings. Jesus has me in school with this mid-life road trip. The avenue of the spirit is wide. If I listen to Jesus as I travel my steps are given direction and purpose. The road of the soul is long with many twists and turns. I make my decisions, to take the turn or keep going, run or rest. On the roads and avenues wherever this journey takes me, I am tracking out the time of my life. So far so lucky.

Monday, January 21, 2008

A note from Jody

This is an email Jody sent out today responding to a card we received for our 21st wedding anniversary. It says alot so I think you should read her mail too.

We had a good weekend, we spent two days at Harrison Hot Springs just past Abbotsford. They have really good off season pkgs. Friends of ours gave us a gift to use at the spa. I have never been to a spa!!
Michael enjoyed a massage and both days we had a "couples soak" That's a private spa room with a jacuzzi type tub with no jets, no chlorine just minerals and it's hot, hot, hot. They dim the lights, turn on the music and give you ice water. THEN....leave you alone for 20 minutes!!
It was soooo relaxing.
Today is back to the usual, grocery shopping etc. This week is full of clinic appts. Today Mike had a CT Scan and lab work. Tomorrow we'll find out the results, meet with his oncologist and meet another oncologist. The "next" level guy who runs chemotherapy trials. Depending on the CT results (what this oral chemo has been doing) aside from this CRAZY rash, he may have to decide from what other treatments are available.
Today I just wanted to hide.....I'm sure tomorrow will be worse. These are the challenges we face. We pray for great results but somehow try to prepare for the worst. It has almost been one year since this adventure began. It seems like a lifetime. For the most part, we are positive. Life goes on.
I know if anyone, you both can understand these emotions and struggles well.
Thanks for thinking of us. We'll connect once we have more info.
Have a great week.

P.S. I did receive Jody's permission to publish part her letter!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Anticipation

Here we are at day 21 of the Tarceva cycle. The rash is back on my legs as before but also there are dermatological cutaneous eruptions on my face. Pimples, big whiteheads like I had when I was eating fries and gravy every day from the high school cafeteria in 1977. I am quite sensitive to this and feel anxious about how I look to the world. Not as a 16 year old with a searing attitude eating fries and gravy but now in 2008 I need to put my best face forward and it's covered with whiskers and zits. I may need counseling to help me cope with acne in mid life. Who would I go to for that? Dr. Phil could have me on his show. If you have any advise short of wearing a paper bag over my head to hide my face, please pass it on.
Monday this coming week is the next CT scan. That's easily coped with because people will be looking at pictures of my insides not my pimply outsides. What will be seen in these high resolution x-rays is what causes anticipation. They will give us the opportunity to see any changes positive or negative that may have occurred over the past 6 weeks. The one thing in life that you can always count on is that things will change. I have my thoughts about how this is going to turn out but you never know. Is it good to know that you never know ? I don't know. We have to wait until Tuesday to get the results from Dr. Chi. Yes another Oncologist. Another trial drug comes with another trial Doctor. We meet on Tuesday for the first time and he will tell us what adventures may lay ahead after Tarceva.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Happy New Year !


The new year brings new challenges and new hope. Since December 31st I have been taking the new chemo, a daily Tarceva pill down the hatch into a empty stomach.- Kaboing! - Then the biological party begins. This chemo drug will find it's way through my body to the liver tumours. Here the drug does it's destructive duty by penetrating the cell membrane to undo the DNA of each cell. It messes with enzymes that the DNA use to tell the cell to reproduce. No reproduction - no happy cancer. I'm the same way. What genius. When Tarceva is in town lock up your DNA and hide your enzymes or your life cycle won't make it all the way around. This message hasn't reached the cancer cells yet but researchers have seen cancer build up a resistance so the chemo drugs become ineffective. That would be an unfortunate situation to find one self in so, we are taking Tarceva for 30 days. Just enough to give the liver lesions a nasty sting then float back before they know what happened. The chemotherapy is giving my body the tools it needs to heal itself. The more I research the more I discover that this is true. Other knowledge I've uncovered is that data from many studies has shown that the level of severity of skin rash is connected to the odds of survival. The worse the rash the better survival. I got it bad, that is good. New challenges and new hope.