Pressure to be positive

February 26 came and went without much fan fare. We did spent the day at the clinic but not for the expected CT scan. It was a scheduled chest xray. Initially I was disappointed because the CT produces a much more detailed set of images which offers reasonably concise information about what is going on inside my body. Apparently, it is not good for the body to have CT's too close together. My next one will be in April. The oncologist was concerned with how I was doing.

 "You look great." she said. That was even after I dropped my drawers to show off my rash. I was wearing biking shorts because I knew it would be a pants off day. My skin rash is the worst that anyone at the clinic has seen. This makes me "special" is what I'm thinking as I'm standing without pants on as comments fly like, "Oh, that must be so uncomfortable." and, "Does it sting?"

No change in the chest xray since the previous one, looking healthy and being positive are sure signs to the oncologist that the present treatment is working. So it is, I'm positive, I'm doing well. 

      

I was out to visit a friend in Burnaby last week. While I was there I brought him up to speed on my health situation. It turns out that he has had more than one family member succumb to cancer. My friend tells me there is a syndrome named after his family because of a certain kind of disease that is unique to his relatives. He has been tested. He and his kids aren't at risk. He has seen uncles, aunts, grandparents, parents and siblings battle successfully and not, with this disease. He said to me, "It's all up here." as he pokes the side of his head with a strong index finger.

I got it. Mental sharpness. Positive thinking. Stay above the negative stuff. Visualize wellness.  I used to think that positive thinking would help my truck start in the morning but the jumper cables made my ears bleed.

Is the glass half full or half empty? Attitude is important. I couldn't agree more with my friend in Burnaby.  

The reality that there is pressure to always be positive came up in our lung cancer support group.  It's all up to us and our attitudes. It's a heavy burden to carry. We see it on many.

Jody & I agree that we are so thankful that we have a strong and gracious God that carries our burdens. The plan for our lives isn't all up to us. We can be ourselves, positive or otherwise and seek to serve & trust Him better. 

Blessed so we can be a blessing

These photos are me at work at West Coast Christian School when the school was at the church. During recess the last of 3 balls was stuck on the roof. So I climbed up to get them. Word got out in a matter of seconds and Mr. Halls the principal showed up with his camera.

Before cancer brought my life into a sharper and simpler focus, my time was spent dividing my attention into a few overlapping areas. Family man and all the responsibilities of being husband and dad. Meeks the Clown - no funny, no money. Children's minister at All Nations Christian Fellowship and some of you know me as the drama teacher from West Coast Christian School. 

 I have a story that has come out of being a school teacher. I am not a regular school teacher. I haven't been trained by a college but I am certified by the ACSI to teach drama. I am effective as a children's facilitator to learning. Kids loved my class, no desks, no books and just enough rules to keep anarchy at bay. Games and activities to bring the actor out of everyone.  It was a much needed break for some children who were struggling to wrap themselves around the lesson schedule for that day. I know because I've been there. I did 12 years of school and rarely was I totally present at school - there was always something more interesting to take care of or just think about rather than the lessons the teachers were handing out. I think still having a similar out look on life contributed to my success as a school teacher.

 It has been one year since I left the drama classes because I was sick. The kids were quiet as I tried to explain what was going on and that I won't be coming in to be their drama teacher. They all prayed for me that day and some continue to pray for me one year later. On their own their parents tell me. That alone humbles me but this story is about one young fellow who has really figured things out about love and generosity. He had a birthday party last month and invited all his friends. He asked them not to bring gifts but bring money for Mr.Meeking. They all did. Even some kids who didn't know me. I got envelopes that had names on them and some with explanations like "friend from karate class" or "new student at school". How does one deal with this ? Humbly, proudly and philosophically. Humbly, I accepted this package of gifts from these giants of character. Proudly, I am the memory of Mr. Meeking the drama teacher. Philosophically, I see we are blessed so we can be a blessing. 

Balance

Why is it not yet February 26 ? I am in a juxtaposition of therapies and side effects until then. Recently I have enjoyed the strength and energy to ride my bike around the city. What fun I have taking this therapy, even as I approach the top of head spin hill and doubt my motivation, it's enjoyable. The fun is what comes after having done it. The sense of well being after having had some exercise. I also get great benefit from the challenge that cycling puts on my heart and lungs. Exercise intensifies the process of healing by heating up the pot without blowing up the stove. It is the exercise colliding with side effects which is the juxtaposition. This brings the reminder to carefully encourage my healing with good balance rather than kick at it with wild spirited ambition. What happens is, when I ride my bike or take a good walk for 3 days in a row the skin rash acts up and my legs become more swollen and painful. Fun and well being meet painful skin rash. This is an experience that has become a frustrating process to wade through as I make my way to February 26. Balance is the key. How much and how far and when to quit exercise therapy.

Balance is the key to healing. The key to balance is to try to keep the bottom under the top. Unless of course you are upside down. Here is a photo of Meeks at the Filberg Festival, Vancouver Island 2005.