Monday, October 22, 2007

Just the Facts


Do you remember this TV cop show from 1967 ? Dragnet. Let's all chant the theme - Duumm Da Dum Dum. The beginning of each show they would say "These are actual events" and in the show they would always ask for "Just the facts."
I want to give just the facts of the actual events of my cancer treatments. I will start with the events since February. So here is the time line of our adventure. February 10th I began coughing up blood after playing hockey. February 12th we first saw the lung tumour on a chest xray. Dr. Miller (GP) called it a mass, a possible fungal growth. He referred us to Dr. Fera, a lung specialist who did a bronchoscopy and took photos. I have copies if you would like to see a tumour up close, just remind me next time you are over. Dr. Fera saw in me more than a lung infection so he referred us to Dr. Finlay, a thoracic surgeon who was to cut this thing out of me along with half or whole of my lung. A date was set, Monday March 5th. The surgery never happened because Dr. Finlay discovered from a CT scan that there were spots on my liver. He scheduled me for a liver biopsy. With the results in, Dr. Finlay confirmed I had cancer and referred us to the BCCA. On Thursday March 22 we met our oncologist, Dr. Ho. She had the initial job of telling Jody and I that the type of cancer I had was non small cell carcinoma in the 4th stage. Which means it was not curable but treatable cancer. This was a seriously crappy day. I did realize that something needed to be done and there wasn't time for whining. March 30 was the CT scan that revealed 3 brain tumours. Still yet, another crappy day. The upcoming chemo was put on hold and we were moved over to the radiation department of the BCCA. We met Dr. Grafton who set me up for 5 treatments to the brain. Once radiation treatments were completed we waited two weeks before we started the weekly chemotherapy of carboplatin and gemcitabine. April 14 was head shave day for me and my boys and a couple of neighbours, Kayla cut hers short. After one round the chemotherapy was interupted by the lung bleed of April 20. This was followed by 5 radiation treatments to the lung. A CT scan on May 25th revealed that the tumours were growing even during chemotherapy. June 2, I was given a three day course of I.V. antibiotics to treat an infection in my arm. (Probably from an I.V.) June 11, a bone scan showed no cancer in my bones. FIRST GOOD NEWS since February! We started the chemo trial of Pemetrexed (kills cancer cells) and Cetuximab (prevents cancer cell reproduction) on June 20. The rash of August began on the 1st. This slid into the pneumonia of '07 which I haven't totally kicked yet. The results of a CT scan from Sept 7 showed the lung tumour smaller, the brain tumours were undetectable and the liver tumours were .5cm smaller or as they said, stable. The next CT is on October 26 - I hope this good news continues. On October 17, I finished the Pemetrexed part of the trial. By November our "Trials" nurse and Dr. Ho, our oncologist will be on maternity leave. They have both been wonderfully supportive and very knowledgable. We will miss them both and hope we will have a good connection with their replacements. The side effects continue. I want to keep this rash under control. Please pray for the side effects to lessen and that we will have a healthy winter without the flu bug. I expect to be getting weekly chemo treatments of Cetuximab indefinatly as long as I am benefitting from it. These are just the facts of actual events.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Thanksgiving -turkey gratitude


Just think how it would be as the center of every one's admiring stares and the object of their desire. When they saw you they would say "Oh, beautiful!" or "My, that's one reason to be thankful." If they were talking about you, wouldn't you feel great about yourself ? These kind of comments would instill a sense of self confidence in you and encourage you to strive for your lofty dreams of a great fulfilling life. But, you are a turkey on a dinner table displayed for a thanksgiving holiday dinner. You're dead. You lived your life happily. Free ranged or production farmed or whatever, it's over. While you were alive your piers never noticed you being special for anything. Your food always tasted the same but you thankfully ate all you could. You did the same thing every day but were thankful when you found out that you still had another day to do it. Your caregivers noticed you only once and that was the last thing you remember. Somehow you still feel honoured to know - that is you, displayed with all the trimmings. You are elated to see that you are a big part of the celebrations. Actually, you are the center piece. You feel great. This is turkey gratitude.
What is people gratitude ? I will quote from the thanksgiving message to us at All Nations Christian Fellowship last Sunday. "Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation. Gratitude is the opposite of bitterness and complaining."
This bumps into my story. The good days and bad days of a roller coaster life with cancer.
Bad days - Self preoccupation. This is bitterness and complaining.
Good days - Life is a gift. This is gratitude.
I feel like I'm living a parable. The lesson is there for me to learn. I'm hearing it - am I understanding? I'm seeing it - am I perceiving?
I hope you all had a happy thanksgiving.