CT results received October 30

The pleasure is mine to tell you of the results from the latest CT scan October 26. It's all clear as mud. Over all the cancer is stable. There are no signs of cancer in my brain. The tumour in my lung is dead and draining into my lung which is allowing me to cough this thing out. The liver has many tiny spots on it and two larger ones. Of the two, one they have been marking. This one is .5 cm bigger and the other one just looks bigger. I will continue taking chemo therapy once a week. However, I will be taking only one of the two drugs that have been part of the trial and have another CT in 6 weeks. Then we will see if things are better or worse. We will know which drug was working. Now we can see why it is called a trial or a study. Practising Oncology is all guess work. It has to be. How can any study account for the complete physiological make up of just one of God's creatures? There are just too many variables. Maybe a tulip or a bug but not a human being. Then there is the accounting for the human soul where He is with us. This power drives the the whole machine of body, mind and spirit. How can a study be able to track and interpret the data from this? That's why we study and make educated guesses. I am completely supportive of the BCCA and have a positive outlook for the future. My immediate plans are to allow God to heal me and the chemo to do it's work. My main concerns are the side effects which still continue. Like I said, clear as mud.

Just the Facts

Do you remember this TV cop show from 1967 ? Dragnet. Let's all chant the theme - Duumm Da Dum Dum. The beginning of each show they would say "These are actual events" and in the show they would always ask for "Just the facts."
I want to give just the facts of the actual events of my cancer treatments. I will start with the events since February. So here is the time line of our adventure. February 10th I began coughing up blood after playing hockey. February 12th we first saw the lung tumour on a chest xray. Dr. Miller (GP) called it a mass, a possible fungal growth. He referred us to Dr. Fera, a lung specialist who did a bronchoscopy and took photos. I have copies if you would like to see a tumour up close, just remind me next time you are over. Dr. Fera saw in me more than a lung infection so he referred us to Dr. Finlay, a thoracic surgeon who was to cut this thing out of me along with half or whole of my lung. A date was set, Monday March 5th. The surgery never happened because Dr. Finlay discovered from a CT scan that there were spots on my liver. He scheduled me for a liver biopsy. With the results in, Dr. Finlay confirmed I had cancer and referred us to the BCCA. On Thursday March 22 we met our oncologist, Dr. Ho. She had the initial job of telling Jody and I that the type of cancer I had was non small cell carcinoma in the 4th stage. Which means it was not curable but treatable cancer. This was a seriously crappy day. I did realize that something needed to be done and there wasn't time for whining. March 30 was the CT scan that revealed 3 brain tumours. Still yet, another crappy day. The upcoming chemo was put on hold and we were moved over to the radiation department of the BCCA. We met Dr. Grafton who set me up for 5 treatments to the brain. Once radiation treatments were completed we waited two weeks before we started the weekly chemotherapy of carboplatin and gemcitabine. April 14 was head shave day for me and my boys and a couple of neighbours, Kayla cut hers short. After one round the chemotherapy was interupted by the lung bleed of April 20. This was followed by 5 radiation treatments to the lung. A CT scan on May 25th revealed that the tumours were growing even during chemotherapy. June 2, I was given a three day course of I.V. antibiotics to treat an infection in my arm. (Probably from an I.V.) June 11, a bone scan showed no cancer in my bones. FIRST GOOD NEWS since February! We started the chemo trial of Pemetrexed (kills cancer cells) and Cetuximab (prevents cancer cell reproduction) on June 20. The rash of August began on the 1st. This slid into the pneumonia of '07 which I haven't totally kicked yet. The results of a CT scan from Sept 7 showed the lung tumour smaller, the brain tumours were undetectable and the liver tumours were .5cm smaller or as they said, stable. The next CT is on October 26 - I hope this good news continues. On October 17, I finished the Pemetrexed part of the trial. By November our "Trials" nurse and Dr. Ho, our oncologist will be on maternity leave. They have both been wonderfully supportive and very knowledgable. We will miss them both and hope we will have a good connection with their replacements. The side effects continue. I want to keep this rash under control. Please pray for the side effects to lessen and that we will have a healthy winter without the flu bug. I expect to be getting weekly chemo treatments of Cetuximab indefinatly as long as I am benefitting from it. These are just the facts of actual events.

Thanksgiving -turkey gratitude

Just think how it would be as the center of every one's admiring stares and the object of their desire. When they saw you they would say "Oh, beautiful!" or "My, that's one reason to be thankful." If they were talking about you, wouldn't you feel great about yourself ? These kind of comments would instill a sense of self confidence in you and encourage you to strive for your lofty dreams of a great fulfilling life. But, you are a turkey on a dinner table displayed for a thanksgiving holiday dinner. You're dead. You lived your life happily. Free ranged or production farmed or whatever, it's over. While you were alive your piers never noticed you being special for anything. Your food always tasted the same but you thankfully ate all you could. You did the same thing every day but were thankful when you found out that you still had another day to do it. Your caregivers noticed you only once and that was the last thing you remember. Somehow you still feel honoured to know - that is you, displayed with all the trimmings. You are elated to see that you are a big part of the celebrations. Actually, you are the center piece. You feel great. This is turkey gratitude.
What is people gratitude ? I will quote from the thanksgiving message to us at All Nations Christian Fellowship last Sunday. "Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation. Gratitude is the opposite of bitterness and complaining."
This bumps into my story. The good days and bad days of a roller coaster life with cancer.
Bad days - Self preoccupation. This is bitterness and complaining.
Good days - Life is a gift. This is gratitude.
I feel like I'm living a parable. The lesson is there for me to learn. I'm hearing it - am I understanding? I'm seeing it - am I perceiving?
I hope you all had a happy thanksgiving.

Roller Coaster

I have been trying to avoid this simile for some time now because I thought it was too cliche. It couldn't possibly describe what I'm experiencing. But, it is the image that best illustrates what I am trying to say on this day. Ups and downs. Good days and bad days. The tracks of the course that will be followed have been laid and hopefully securely fastened down by knowledgeable engineers and skilled craftsmen. There are no options for choosing another route once you are on the roller coaster. Each rider must simply hang on until the train pulls into the station where they can disembark with an experience to call their own. Emotional, physical, and spiritual ups and downs, this is a reality for me. Some days I mourn to be back in bed under the blankets until noon or later and find it easy to whine and complain about the slightest thing. (But I don't.) I end up slothing around in a fog trying to keep appearances up.- this is a down day. Other days I will have my world of family, friends, reading, writing, exercise and chores in order and I sail through the day. I'm effective! I have accomplishments - achievements! Yes, this is an up day. Same person, same circumstances just in two different realities.
At any one time, I could be living in one of two separate worlds. Each one just as real as the other. Each world is controlled by a central thought unique to it's origin. One world is based on the knowledge that I am loved by Him and He is easy to be loved. The other world is based on the thought "You stupid idiot! How could you have let this happen to you? Even if you do survive, you are going to screw the whole thing up."
Just as real. One assumes that The Author and Finisher of Life - The Creator of the Universe is in control. The other assumes that I'm in control. God is not trying to make himself more real. He is giving me the opportunity to decide for myself.
"I think to myself. What a wonderful world."

Another Ride

Before I start up and get it in gear to tell you about another ride I would like to continue a thought from the last blog entry. School is not the marks they give you - it is what you learn while you are there. I have been thinking about this since I was last in school in the 70's because I did it for 13 years of my life and was left wondering why. I wasn't given many marks but I do remember the overall experience being somewhat significant. Watch and listen and stuff will be learned. School lasts a life time.

Something was schooled into me recently while at the PNE. We saw the Peking Acrobats show. A performer did the stacking chairs routine. Nice. Strong and steady as she stacked 7 chairs. Then the handstand. Straight arm, of course. After the routine they stored the chairs just below the stage in front. As we were leaving the theatre I took a walk past the front of the stage. I learned that the chairs were made of solid hardwood and weighed at least 20 pounds each. Heavy things stacked are much more stable than light things stacked. I do a hand stand on 3 stacked chairs. My chairs are pine light and sometimes not so stable. This lesson's assignment is to build heavy chairs. Due date will be 2 months after I'm back on my hands again.
In the meantime I will face the school of life's tests and deal with the results when they come in.

Last Friday we had our 4th CT scan to test my response to the chemotherapy. The results are in. Tuesday we sat in with the oncologist Dr. Ho to get her take on the images. Here are the facts. In my head there was no sign of anything in the images from the scan. Just brain. No more brain tumours could mean no more errant thinking. I should be smarter now, I'm ready for a test. Anyone want to try me with a riddle or two ? The chest and liver have remained stable. The tumour in the liver has gone down by .5cm leaving it at 3.9cm. In the chest however, there is some other things happening. There is a touch of pneumonia in me. Considering my circumstances this could be very dangerous. But, it was caught early and we are treating it swiftly with rest, good food and 10 days of antibiotics. This causes me once again to take one week off from the chemotherapy.
With my new found brain power I'm expecting to finish any assignments from this lesson in the school of life on time and with positive results. I'm on another ride.

Today is the first day of the school year. The first of the last 11 first days that I will not be returning to my post as the K-12 drama teacher of the WCCS. The students of my family were definately excited to be going back at least for this first day. I am excited to hear of the changes that the new year brings to WCCS. Like who has who in their class. Who is teaching what to whom and where. "Where?" is always the question for the teachers dealing with the limited space WCCS has to offer. So it will be interesting for me to see what the solutions may be. Porch, park and parking garage were showing their classroom potential in previous years. We seemed to have at least survived and in some cases we may have succeeded.
My fall will be different this year - I'm the student - it will be chemo treatments once a week until we have no sign of cancer in me. I need to do my homework, hand in all my assignments on time and listen to the teacher, yes and listen to the teacher!

Well Wishes

Pitt Meadows Day 2007 was minus one clown and they were concerned enough to tell me about it by sending me this huge card that is signed by people from the festival. A gigantic Get Well card brought gigantic encouragement to me. Thank you people of Pitt Meadows. I also have a drawer full of regular sized Get Well cards with heart felt notes from many people to us.
The word courage is in encouragement for good reason. Thank you friends!
As of this week, August 17, I have missed two chemo treatments because of this skin rash. It's been a bad rash. So bad apparently that all the oncologists who looked at my rash (and were more than a few who saw it) said it is the most progressed that they have seen. I'm special, but not special enough to get any treatment. There was no one at the BCCA that was equipped or experienced enough to give me bandages - I wish I had a photograph of my face when they were telling me this because I'm sure that my overall countenance projected my thoughts which were not nice and definately not recordable. God is a gracious and forgiving God, I say this because of the stroke of divine luck that fell on me over the next few hours. This is what happened. I winced and moaned my way out of the cancer clinic and into the van. Yes, this was the only time Jody has been unable to accompany me to an appointment!! I drove to UBC Hospital emergent care. I parked in the Regent College parking lot & walked like a neanderthal junkie to the hospital. This is about 250 meter trek. The anguish and embarassment I suffered was worth the free parking. Once inside the building they fast tracked me into an isolation room ( I guess I was talking too much ) Within minutes I was seen by a doctor and was introduced to nurse Anne. She was my divine luck. Anne has been a nurse since 1979 and was 10 years in the burn unit where she gained experience in cleaning and bandaging burns in sensitive areas. No one else could have the knowledge and skills to give me the treatment that I needed. Thank God for Anne. That was two weeks ago, things have settled down enough to allow me to walk around the block like a modern man.
I am concerned about missing chemo treatment but the oncologist is not. Her reasoning is quite simple. If the chemo drugs are still producing a rash then they must be still working on the cancer cells. Medical reasoning at it's best.