God the Healer

First of all, I deeply appreciate all of you who are praying for me. Please continue to seek Him. I know these prayers, meditations and requests to God are what is keeping me alive day to day. 

My friend tells me that his 7 year old daughter prays and weeps for me daily. After 16 months of chemo therapy and prayer therapy, it begs the question - If God is the healer, why am I still sick ?

Possible answers -

1. God is not real, Jesus isn't who He said He is and miracles don't happen. There is no hope because the human race has been fooling themselves for all of time.

2. God is real but He doesn't like me because I was a bully in elementary school, a pot head in high school, I really haven't loved all my neighbours all the time, I pollute ... (I could go on)

3. He is on a business trip in the Middle East and will get to our prayers when things cool down there. 

Why am I still sick? Is a good question, along with - Why is there suffering in the world? Why do we allow people to hurt each other? Why do we argue over who God is and how to worship Him?  There are many more deep and meaningful questions. The answers are there, near Him in the garden of wisdom, waiting to be discovered by each of us. 

What would you say? Why am I still sick? Why should I suffer? The bible is filled with suffering. There are many stories of how one was called to serve but before they began being a prophet, king or leader of some kind they had a time of running from an army or living in the wilderness or surviving a famine. Read it, it is inspiring to see the human side of the God Book.

God is the healer, the source of life. Suffering has made me dependent on Him knowing this is my only hope. This is not a formula to memorize or a process to follow but the love between a father and his child. 

1932 Desoto

The future. We all want to know what's up before it happens. Nothing is ever for sure until it happens. My Uncle Don once said, "The only things you can count on actually happening in your lifetime are death and taxes." The other thing I learned from Uncle Don was how to start a 1932 Desoto. It is not always useful information that we glean from life's experiences. But without logical explanation certain things just stick to us through time. It stuck to me what my uncle had to say about death and taxes. It rings true doesn't it. It is not the type of truth that sets you free. But it is the truth. I heard from one of my cousins that Uncle Don died grumpy. Who can say where he was at the moment he stepped off the running board of time and space and into the great eternal drive through the country at a break neck 45 miles per hour. He loved his cars. I loved my Uncle Don. 

 I have some news from the recent past that rocks my present world and will effect the future when it comes.

Presently, there is cancer growing rapidly in my liver. Doubled in size over 6 weeks. Yikes. It's like I have been sitting on the porch of death's door for the past year talking through the door to our Lord. Now I'm thinking the door will open any minute and I'm going to meet Him! What would you do ? Take stock to see that you are still occupying space on the planet and carry on.

 What we are going to do is switch drug treatments. I will stop Tarceva, take a month break to let the chemicals flush out of my body. De-rashify. Then at the end of April if all things are equal (liver function & general health) I will begin another trial. This new trial protocol is different from anything so far because they will be installing a port so I can receive a 24 hour infusion of the AT9283(name of drug) once a week for 2 weeks then take a week off. A port installation is a quick surgical procedure where they tap into a major vein near my heart and leave a dock just under my skin to take the 24 hour infusion. Having a port restricts my activity because it is there 24/7. This was a major stumbling block for me to accept this trial. But something my uncle taught me is sometimes after market parts are needed to keep engines running smoothly.  I wasn't given much optimism about this trial drug as being a magic pill that will cure me. But it is my only option in actively treating my condition. Please pray for my healing.  So here we go riding into the future. I'll see you there.