Roller Coaster

I have been trying to avoid this simile for some time now because I thought it was too cliche. It couldn't possibly describe what I'm experiencing. But, it is the image that best illustrates what I am trying to say on this day. Ups and downs. Good days and bad days. The tracks of the course that will be followed have been laid and hopefully securely fastened down by knowledgeable engineers and skilled craftsmen. There are no options for choosing another route once you are on the roller coaster. Each rider must simply hang on until the train pulls into the station where they can disembark with an experience to call their own. Emotional, physical, and spiritual ups and downs, this is a reality for me. Some days I mourn to be back in bed under the blankets until noon or later and find it easy to whine and complain about the slightest thing. (But I don't.) I end up slothing around in a fog trying to keep appearances up.- this is a down day. Other days I will have my world of family, friends, reading, writing, exercise and chores in order and I sail through the day. I'm effective! I have accomplishments - achievements! Yes, this is an up day. Same person, same circumstances just in two different realities.
At any one time, I could be living in one of two separate worlds. Each one just as real as the other. Each world is controlled by a central thought unique to it's origin. One world is based on the knowledge that I am loved by Him and He is easy to be loved. The other world is based on the thought "You stupid idiot! How could you have let this happen to you? Even if you do survive, you are going to screw the whole thing up."
Just as real. One assumes that The Author and Finisher of Life - The Creator of the Universe is in control. The other assumes that I'm in control. God is not trying to make himself more real. He is giving me the opportunity to decide for myself.
"I think to myself. What a wonderful world."

Another Ride

Before I start up and get it in gear to tell you about another ride I would like to continue a thought from the last blog entry. School is not the marks they give you - it is what you learn while you are there. I have been thinking about this since I was last in school in the 70's because I did it for 13 years of my life and was left wondering why. I wasn't given many marks but I do remember the overall experience being somewhat significant. Watch and listen and stuff will be learned. School lasts a life time.

Something was schooled into me recently while at the PNE. We saw the Peking Acrobats show. A performer did the stacking chairs routine. Nice. Strong and steady as she stacked 7 chairs. Then the handstand. Straight arm, of course. After the routine they stored the chairs just below the stage in front. As we were leaving the theatre I took a walk past the front of the stage. I learned that the chairs were made of solid hardwood and weighed at least 20 pounds each. Heavy things stacked are much more stable than light things stacked. I do a hand stand on 3 stacked chairs. My chairs are pine light and sometimes not so stable. This lesson's assignment is to build heavy chairs. Due date will be 2 months after I'm back on my hands again.
In the meantime I will face the school of life's tests and deal with the results when they come in.

Last Friday we had our 4th CT scan to test my response to the chemotherapy. The results are in. Tuesday we sat in with the oncologist Dr. Ho to get her take on the images. Here are the facts. In my head there was no sign of anything in the images from the scan. Just brain. No more brain tumours could mean no more errant thinking. I should be smarter now, I'm ready for a test. Anyone want to try me with a riddle or two ? The chest and liver have remained stable. The tumour in the liver has gone down by .5cm leaving it at 3.9cm. In the chest however, there is some other things happening. There is a touch of pneumonia in me. Considering my circumstances this could be very dangerous. But, it was caught early and we are treating it swiftly with rest, good food and 10 days of antibiotics. This causes me once again to take one week off from the chemotherapy.
With my new found brain power I'm expecting to finish any assignments from this lesson in the school of life on time and with positive results. I'm on another ride.

Today is the first day of the school year. The first of the last 11 first days that I will not be returning to my post as the K-12 drama teacher of the WCCS. The students of my family were definately excited to be going back at least for this first day. I am excited to hear of the changes that the new year brings to WCCS. Like who has who in their class. Who is teaching what to whom and where. "Where?" is always the question for the teachers dealing with the limited space WCCS has to offer. So it will be interesting for me to see what the solutions may be. Porch, park and parking garage were showing their classroom potential in previous years. We seemed to have at least survived and in some cases we may have succeeded.
My fall will be different this year - I'm the student - it will be chemo treatments once a week until we have no sign of cancer in me. I need to do my homework, hand in all my assignments on time and listen to the teacher, yes and listen to the teacher!